The Proverbs 31 Woman and Jesus
by Guest
Some view her as the ideal to live by, but should every Christian woman set out to be just like her?
Her, again? Isn’t that overkill? Because I swear, if I hear one more thing about that woman…”
This was my 34-year-old daughter’s less-than-enthusiastic response when I told her I was asked to write about the “valiant,” or “noble,” or “excellent” woman idealized in the last chapter of the Book of Proverbs.
I could almost feel my daughter’s frustration over all the attention given to that imaginary woman in the Bible. Was the focus on her excessive? My daughter seemed to think so. To be honest, I had my doubts too.
Don’t get me wrong. The “Proverbs 31 Woman” (with a capital W) deserves all the admiration she has attracted. We could do far worse than to try to be like her. She is capable, hardworking, strong, courageous, and civically minded. All good things. It is notable, too, that she is praised not for her beauty or status, but because of the work of her hands. She is referred to as “valiant,” not because she conquers in battle or rises above her enemies, but because she persists in doing the challenging work that is laid before her, service that benefits not only her family but the greater community. Her heroism is in “showing up,” seeing what must be done, fearlessly tackling it, and using the rewards of her labor to bless and benefit others.
By giving honor to this unnamed woman, the writer of Proverbs 31 elevates unseen women in every part of the world, throughout time. Such praise is long overdue. While monuments are built to honor the powerful men who command nations, little recognition is given to the women who quietly serve in the background, providing support, sustenance, and the “glue” that keeps institutions and societies intact.
These women, like the excellent woman in Proverbs 31, have adapted to the demands of their situation—working fields, producing goods, raising families, building businesses, helping those in distress. No wonder women are attracted to the woman in this proverb. She represents them. When she is held in high esteem, by extension, so are they.
Her highness?
But has the fanfare gone too far? Is the woman from Proverbs 31 the ideal, the goal? Should every Christian woman set out to be just like her? Is her example the one we should be advising our daughters to follow?
Maybe not. There are some drawbacks to putting this Old Testament figure on a pedestal.
First, she’s not real. According to Proverbs 31:1, she’s a description of the type of woman that King Lemuel’s mother recommends to her son as good marriage material. Even if we acknowledge that this passage can speak to everyone regardless of marital status (since Scripture supports both married and single lifestyles), we still have a problem. It’s tough to live up to a work of fiction. No wonder Ms. Proverbs 31 never tires or feels worn out. Of course, she can get up “while it is still night” (verse 15) and yet find that “her arms are strong for her tasks” (v. 17). She is make-believe.
That explains how she can make things happen that are outside the control of the rest of us mere mortals, like when she “sees that her trading is profitable” (v. 18), or is credited because “her husband is respected at the city gate” (v. 23), or magically finds that her children (obviously not teenagers) “arise and call her blessed” (v. 28).
Real women do not have that kind of power. We have influence. But we cannot control events and people with that level of predictability. Real women learn that they can do everything “right” and still face disappointment, humiliation, disrespect, and heartache.
What are we missing?
Second, the Proverbs 31 Woman is not the antidote for all the unrealistic expectations that women encounter. It’s comforting to think we can use her example to gain a sense of identity that immunizes us from cultural pressures to be beautiful, sexy, glamorous, powerful, and desirable. And, yes, pouring our efforts into adding value to our families, our places of work, and our communities rather than just looking beautiful or exuding charm (v. 30) is a wise choice. But taking care of others will not fix what is broken within us.
We may reach excellence. We may gain the praise of those around us because of our devoted service and desire to please God (v. 30). We may even change lives and bring honor to God. But we are still missing something. Like the rich young man in Luke 18, who keeps the commandments all his life, we are still incomplete, even when our “to-do” list is done. And Jesus can see what is wrong, even when no one else can, even when we cannot see it ourselves.
Can you imagine what Jesus would say to the Proverbs 31 Woman, who “fears the Lord” (v. 30), who “can laugh at the days to come” (v. 25), who is “clothed with strength and dignity” (v. 25) and is the recipient of “praise at the city gate” (v. 31)?
Would He say to her, “Go, Queen! You’ve got this! You don’t need any help from me! You are nailing it!”?
No. He would see her heart. He would see how hard she is trying. He would delight in her aim to live for God and respect her diligence and hard work. He, too, knows what it is to labor for the kingdom.
But if she were a real woman, dotting all those i’s and crossing all those t’s, giving it her all and still, being human, failing at times—or, because she lives in the real, broken world, getting it right and still having it all blow up in her face—I think this is what Jesus would say to her: “Come to me, … you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your (soul). … For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28–30). And He would say to her, as He says to us, “Follow me” (Mark 10:21).
Jesus—not the Proverbs 31 Woman—is our role model. He understands us—and He calls us to follow Him.
And finally, when I compare myself with the Proverbs 31 Woman, and I, being made of flesh and blood, fall short, what can she do for me?
Nothing. She’s not a living, breathing person. She cannot help. She cannot understand. She has no experience with the real world, no history of disappointment, no shame to overcome, no broken pieces. What advice can she offer me? Keep going? Work harder? Get up earlier? Hustle more?
When I compare myself with Jesus, and I, being human, cannot even come close, then what?
Jesus, who knows temptation and suffering and shame and disappointment, who sees right through the façade of my dotted i’s and crossed t’s, that Jesus feels my pain. He loves me. He embraces me. He cleanses and restores me. He gives me hope. That’s the good news of the gospel. Jesus loves us, not because we measure up, but because we are His.
Who I am in Jesus’ eyes
I am not a “Proverbs 31 woman” (lowercase w). I am a follower of Christ. I do not identify as a Proverbs 31 woman in the sense of embodying all the characteristics associated with her. Instead, my primary identity is rooted in being a devoted follower of Christ.
While I appreciate the virtues and qualities that are celebrated in Proverbs 31, such as strength, dignity, and wisdom, I focus on nurturing my relationship with Jesus and living out my faith daily. My journey is about embracing grace and understanding that my worth comes from Him rather than striving to meet specific ideals or standards set by others. Ultimately, it is this commitment to following Christ that defines who I am at my core.
“As we become more like Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit, we will become more patient (v. 13, 16). We will grow in wisdom (v. 26). We will be diligent in whatever we are called upon to do (v. 17). We will care for others in need (v. 20). We will hunger and thirst for God (v. 30)”
When we read this chapter of Scripture, let’s keep its teaching in perspective. The Book of Proverbs offers good guidance for all of us, both women and men. We are wise if we seek greater things than fleeting pleasures, which make us feel good in the moment but leave us empty inside. Regardless of our gender, male or female, we should invest ourselves in developing some of the same noble characteristics that the excellent woman of Proverbs 31 exemplifies.
How we express those traits will look different in our modern society, which calls for skills and collaborations not needed in previous eras. But as we become more like Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit, we will become more patient (v. 13, 16). We will grow in wisdom (v. 26). We will be diligent in whatever we are called upon to do (v. 17). We will care for others in need (v. 20). We will hunger and thirst for God (v. 30).
But we cannot make the mistake others have made. We must not let this example of the Proverbs 31 Woman divide us into separate camps or hinder us from becoming who we are meant to be in Christ alone.
We often find ourselves divided and opposing one another over how we are meant to show up in the world. Let’s not fall into the same trap as those who claimed to follow Paul or Apollos (1 Corinthians 1:10–13), as if these Christian teachers had more to say to them or could do more for them than Jesus, Himself.
While we’re at it, we must not perpetuate the myth that certain passages of Scripture, like those with female characters, are really “for women,” more than others. Let’s not elevate these passages above the others by claiming (or even implying) that they summarize what it means to be a “godly woman.” Why do we settle for such a limited (and limiting) view?
There’s so much more for women, for us, than the “pink passages” we associate with Mother’s Day or women’s Bible studies. Every one of those 1,189 chapters of the Old and New Testament are for us—all of us. Women can gain just as much inspiration from Moses, Elijah, David, or Paul as we can from Sarah, Ruth, Mary, or the fictitious Proverbs 31 Woman, and the reverse is true for men.
These characters all have their moments. They all, however fleetingly, demonstrate a few virtues to which we can aspire. They all, however imperfectly, show us a tiny glimpse of God’s character, pointing our eyes toward Him.
But only One sets a perfect example of godliness. Only One gives us a complete picture. Therefore let us “fix our eyes on Jesus” (Hebrews 12:2) through whom we can see God wholly revealed. Let us always, only, identify ourselves with Him.
The Wife of Noble Character
(Proverbs 31:10–31)
10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
by Colonel Christine J. Rock, USA East territorial secretary for Officer Development and Care
About the Author: Guest
