What to Do with Feelings

by Erin Morgan

Anger, sadness, joy, fear, disgust, surprise—how do you respond to runaway emotions?

A familiar feeling comes over me as I remember the sounds of a tinkling piano, the sight of sneakers and a cozy cardigan, and the familiar warm face of a friend singing, “What do you do with the mad that you feel?” My friendly neighbor on the TV, Mister Rogers, talks about how toys don’t have feelings, but people do.

That’s a simple truth. It’s not earth shattering. Of course, people have feelings! But what do we do with them? What do we do with the mad that we feel? Or the sad that we feel? Or the joy that we feel?

Mister Rogers’ advice is as follows: “It’s great to be able to stop/When you’ve planned a thing that’s wrong.” Are you able to stop, to pause—to take a moment and recognize the feeling you’re experiencing and then choose what to do next?

There are seasons where stopping takes immense courage—seasons of challenges or grief. In these seasons, I will push myself to keep moving to avoid the realities I live in. I try to keep moving so quickly that the depth of grief or struggle I’m facing is not able to sink in.

Let me say from experience this is not the best response. Inevitably, these feelings and the reality of what is going on will catch up with the running and the avoidance, leaving me struggling and worn down.

Time to pause

In other seasons—the good moments—we want to press the pause button and remain there forever. A little over a year ago, I had my first baby. She is now growing faster than I am ready for. Everyone warns me that the process goes too fast. The struggle and exhaustion of being a new parent can prevent us from recognizing the beauty that we’re living in. Those are the moments that we’ll look back on and wish we had stopped to enjoy the giggles, the first words, and the snuggles.

Someone once told me that you can’t con­trol what emotions you feel, but you can control what you do with them. Mister Rogers echoes this sentiment by urging children to stop when they feel mad. In Scripture, we find this advice: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteous­ness that God desires” (James 1:19–20).

There is no way to be alive without experiencing highs and lows, but we must challenge ourselves to slow down, pause, stop, and be mindful of our choices. Ecclesiastes talks about the different seasons that we live through. It says,

“There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.”

We will live through many, if not all, of the seasons listed in this passage. But we can be assured of this promise Jesus gave His disciples in Matthew 28:20, “Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

God is with us no matter how dark the season or how hopeless we may feel. Our responsibility is to stop or pause, recognize where and how His presence is near us, and choose how we move forward. So, as Mister Rogers asked, “What do you do with the mad that you feel?”