Whatever Happened to Civility?

This presidential election year is sure to bring rancor and discord to an already divided nation. How can our Christian beliefs lead us?

Anna and I couldn’t have been more different beyond our love of journalism and dedication to our chosen field.

I grew up in a conservative family in the Midwest and became a born-again Christian at a young age. Anna hailed from the Northeast and was proud of both her liberalism and her Jewish faith. It’s fair to say we didn’t agree on much outside of the newsroom we shared every day, just a few desks apart.

I had been at the newspaper for almost a decade when she came on board. I found out later there was some concern that we would clash, but the fears turned out to be unfounded. We would laugh together over the political labels bantered about before we hit the streets looking for stories. I just wanted a good teammate to help us beat the other daily newspapers, and she was as committed as I was to “scooping” the competition. When I saw her obvious talent and how she could help us win, we actually became fast friends. We bonded over our shared mission. We even started a radio and cable television show together discussing the media.

Our co-workers would look at us in stunned disbelief when we’d walk in together after taping our show or they saw us eating lunch together.

We had the kind of relationship where we could be honest with each other and agree to disagree. We often discussed politics, but mostly to analyze the races and never in a divisive way where we verbally attacked each other for supporting or opposing a candidate or party. We understood each other’s viewpoints. For example, when a national politician proposed tax cuts, Anna would say, “I’ll bet you’re happy, Bob. You’ve never met a tax cut you didn’t like.” I would counter with something like, “You would probably raise tax rates to 90% if you could.” It was fun banter between colleagues.

Our faith was one of our favorite things to talk about. I probably shared mine more than Anna, and we had deep discussions about Jesus Christ; she knew that’s what Christians did. I never shied away from what the Bible says about any subject. Anna and I talked often about the differences and similarities between Christianity and Judaism. “We don’t believe Jesus was the Messiah,” she would tell me. I would often good-naturedly respond, “Go home and read Isaiah 53 tonight and we’ll talk tomorrow.” Both of us would laugh. She admitted the passage intrigued her. Anna would sometimes share elements of the Passover Seder, where I clearly saw Christ symbolically displayed.

I saw Anna as a sinner in need of Christ, no different from myself. She wasn’t someone to be demeaned or disrespected; she too was created in the image of God. When I would share my faith, I did so with “gentleness and respect” as the Bible orders us to do in 1 Peter 3:15. I didn’t see her as evil or unworthy of my friendship because her politics didn’t match up with mine.

Where is your hope?

I was endlessly amazed at the faith Anna and our co-workers put in human government. I covered government and politics as a news reporter for almost two decades before coming to The Salvation Army. I can unequivocally say that neither party fits neatly into the Christian worldview. At the end of the day, if your ultimate faith is in partisan politics and politicians, you will end up being terribly disappointed. I am always surprised when I meet people who put all their faith in human institutions and political parties created by sinful men and women. I always think to myself, if only we put that much faith and trust in Christ.

When I considered leaving the newspaper business to work for The Salvation Army, Anna was the first work colleague I consulted for advice because I respected her opinion. The relationship of mutual respect and cordiality Anna and I were able to maintain is all too often not the case today.

Now, people decide on their favored candidate or political party and view anyone who disagrees with them as evil or at least horribly uninformed. And people are seen as advocates of every single position a candidate espouses when sometimes that’s not the case. There are no nuances anymore.

We used to pull a curtain and vote in secret in the voting booth for a reason. Unless it was a party caucus, voting was a private matter and our personal business. To ask someone who they voted for was considered rude. My mother, raised on such an ethic, taught me never to discuss religion and politics in polite company. That has all changed today. People sometimes even take a cellphone photo of their ballot and post it on social media to make sure you know they support Candidate X. If not, they certainly post about who they supported after they leave the booth—and they are sure to tell you why you should too.

In fact, social media has become a battlefield where longtime friends and family go to war around this time of year. Support the “wrong” candidate or cause, and social media turns into a toxic back-and-forth verbal war that can divide even devout Christians. I’ve seen Christians fight on social media to the point their pastor intervened, calling for a cease-fire.

Adding to Christ

We have become so polarized that “unfriending” friends and family on social media if they don’t support your chosen candidate is now standard fare. I recall a social media friend posting, “I don’t unfriend people over politics.” A few sentences later they said, “But I’m unfriending you because you support Candidate X.”

Because of the political divide, family gatherings devolve into a “tension convention” instead of a time to enjoy one another’s company. Some families even have to lay down ground rules beforehand to keep politics out of the day. We don’t talk to each other anymore; we yell past each other, and holidays can become dreaded events where everyone holds their breath and hopes for the best.

That raises the question: Whatever happened to civility?

How did we get here? How should Christians, who are told to love everyone and do so with “gentleness and respect,” act in this environment?

Dan Boone, president of Trevecca Nazarene University in Nashville, Tenn., and author of the 2010 book A Charitable Discourse, says Christians have taken their personal cultural and political preferences and “mistakenly woven them into our Christian identity.” They have forgotten that Christ should be the glue binding us together and nothing else.

“We’re now followers of Jesus who have a list of other things that also define what that means for us,” Boone says. “It’s to the point we are willing to break fellowship with other Christians on the basis of those other things rather than the central unifier that we have in Christ.”

Discipleship is key

That list can include such modern hot-button issues as immigration, abortion, human sexuality, and a host of others. Boone says Salvation Army corps and other churches have not done a good job of identifying this trend as “idolatry” and calling it out as such.

“It basically is the enthronement of other gods that we have made,” he says. “We’ve basically turned our own opinions about politics into a god and we are serving that god to the point we are willing to disassociate or unfriend or walk away from those who might hold a different position, not recognizing the God above all gods and the Lord above all lords is the crucified Christ.”

With the 2024 presidential election looming, Boone says he would like to see churches add a “very robust discipleship curriculum” for all ages to help Christians discern what influences they allow into their lives.

Boone also would like to see pastors plan a sermon series on being more kind and respectful with one another, while allowing the congregation to engage in dialogue.

“I think preaching it from the pulpit doesn’t go nearly far enough,” he says. “I think we have to embed it in the holy conversations that happen at our gatherings. We have to embed it in our curriculum, our Sunday school classes, our small groups, our corps groups—everything that we do. We’ve got to find a place where people can talk it out, talk it through, and practice it with one another. I think if we can do that, we will prevent some of the splintering that is already happening.

“This kind of toxic communication is in the water source of culture today, and we’re all just drinking it without thinking about it. I think we’ve got to teach Christians to reevaluate the news sources they pay attention to, the social media feeds that they follow, the influence of friends. We need to teach Christians to say, how do I reach the opinions that I reach? I think what’s happening is we just slowly drink the culture’s water and all of a sudden, we’ve got this deeply held opinion that we’ve really not taken before the throne of God and submitted to the lordship of Christ in my life. Is this good? Is this true? Is this right?”

The Bible speaks

When it comes to sharing Scripture with his audiences, Boone often quotes 2 Corinthians 10:5: “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

“I talk a lot about that,” says Boone, who has spoken at several Salvation Army events. “We bring our opinions, our thoughts, our judgments to the throne of Christ and there we allow Christ to supersede all of that.”

Boone also uses Colossians 3, where Paul instructs Christians to “clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Another favorite is Philippians, where Paul says Christians should think on whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy of praise.

“In other words, allow the beautiful, the right, the true, the good to supersede the political opinions that you might have,” Boone says.

In the Sermon on the Mount, Boone says, Jesus’ admonition to take the log out of your own eye before judging was to emphasize how we should be careful passing judgment on opinions that might differ from our own.

Many Salvation Army pastors in the USA Eastern Territory recognize the problem and have taken various steps—some practical and some aspirational—to address the lack of civility in our midst.

Lieutenant Montserrat Esquivel of the Holyoke, Mass., Corps says her church holds meetings to bring everyone together.

“This allows for all of us to give input, disagree, and discuss,” she says. “Prayer at the very beginning and Jesus in the center reminds all of us that even though we may disagree, we can discuss with love towards our brother or sister in Christ.”

Likewise, Envoy Anne Rich of the Plymouth, Mass., Corps tries to promote civility in a variety of ways during politically divisive times, including through “open and respectful communication.”

“I encourage open dialogue where we can express our opinions and perspectives without fear of judgment or hostility,” she says. “In one of our programs, called Common Ground, we emphasize the importance of active listening and respectful responses.”

Rich also establishes guidelines for interactions and encourages everyone “to focus on issues rather than personal attacks.” Respectful disagreement is acceptable, but personal insults or derogatory language are not, and Rich works hard to lead by example. “If I model civil behavior in my own interactions, I can encourage my leaders to engage in respectful conversations and demonstrate empathy towards differing opinions,” she says.

Let’s talk it out

Another important exercise is for her congregation to engage in community service projects with other organizations to “bridge the political and language issues.” Rich believes this can help minimize division and foster a sense of common purpose.

Rich says she celebrates diverse backgrounds, experiences, and perspectives. This also involves asking her flock to seek out diverse perspectives and engage in conversations with people who hold different beliefs, hoping this can help break down stereotypes and promote understanding.

When conflict does arise, Rich says, she “encourages my people to resolve conflict promptly through peaceful dialogue and mediation if needed.”

“This is not all completely solved yet, but promoting civility is an ongoing process that requires consistent effort and reinforcement,” she says. “By creating a culture of respect, empathy, and open communication, you can help foster a more civil and inclusive environment within the corps.”

Lieutenant Kristal Vazquez, who ministers to the Loiza Corps in Puerto Rico, says reaching civility is no easy task given the different perspectives in a congregation. Her corps is one of many where members debate the issues to find common ground.

“I believe that what has helped us is to create an example of a healthy environment of open dialogue, listening to understand, and mutual respect,” she says. “And even when things may start to boil, we remind everyone that Jesus does not choose to love one more than the other. Love your neighbor for me means to overcome any political divide.”

Major Stanley Newton of the Clearfield, Pa., Corps says he will occasionally remind people in his sermons that God expects us to treat each other with love and kindness regardless of our conflicting stances on different issues.

“I also remind our people that our actions toward each other should not be reflective of where we might stand on something,” he says. “I might not agree with something in their life, but it doesn’t lessen my love and respect toward them. I encourage everyone to do the same.”

It’s all about love

More than any other tactic, loving people the way Christ loved seems to be the dominant approach.

Major Martina Cornell, administrator of the Ray & Joan Kroc Corps Community Center in Dayton, Ohio, agreed. She encourages people to promote “love and unity according to the teaching of Christ” through John 13:34–35: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Major Ruth Thomas of the North Shore Corps in Salem, Mass., says her congregants often “agree to disagree, but come together around Matthew 12:25 and the admonition that “every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.”

“It’s OK not to have the same opinion,” she says. “Focus on what we agree on: We live in a great country. But there are people who don’t have enough food. There are people who suffer from mental illness. There are people who need Jesus. We can help.”

Captain Kirsten Childs encourages members and volunteers at the Scranton, Pa., Citadel Corps to “treat each other with the love of God and respect, and thus civility is sustained.” Childs says she doesn’t discuss politics with corps members, stakeholders, community partners, or the general public, especially from the pulpit. Like many others, she believes in focusing on the Kingdom of God and not partisan politics because God is ultimately in control.

“We are about Kingdom work and Kingdom matters,” she says. “What political party we may align ourselves with is not important nor is discussed or even noted in our social media accounts.

“We pray for our country and its leaders and the atmosphere, its current issues and events, and for God’s will to be done on earth as it is in Heaven. We know who is ultimately in control and that God has a plan and purpose that need to play out. We trust Him fully and completely. We encourage our corps members to do the same.”

God is sovereign

Lieutenant Jashira Figueroa, who is the assistant corps officer at the Akron, Ohio, Citadel Corps, makes a similar argument that our hope should be in Christ and not worldly princes and human systems.

“As pastors, we are responsible for teaching our congregations that our faith cannot be placed on politicians,” Figueroa says. “God’s sovereignty will use politicians to carry out His will.”

Major Mary Moore, a Salvation Army pastor in Spring Valley, N.Y., agreed with many others that this world and its leaders are not the ultimate authority and won’t have the final say.

“If we know God’s Word, if we read God’s Word and obey God’s Word, then we just have to follow where God’s Holy Spirit leads us,” she says. “We just have to be faithful to God’s Word and love people to be obedient to Him. I think everything else will work out the way God wants it to.

“There will be Christians who vote left and Christians who vote right, but God will make sure it all works out according to His plan.”

Moore said while Jesus did confront the corrupt religious leaders of His time, He spent the bulk of His life loving people and we should follow His lead.

“He went around doing what He could where He could, sharing the love of His Father,” she says. “If we could just model that and love those we meet and share the gospel with them … it doesn’t have to be about left or right or conservative or liberal. It just has to be about showing God’s love where we are.”

Looking back, I hope I showed that love to Anna and others I’ve encountered over the years. Anna and I eventually moved on to other professional endeavors, but we still talk occasionally about colleagues, the sad state of newspapers, and the good ol’ days in the news.

Not much has changed about our world­views, but I hope we taught ourselves and our co-workers that people with different views can get along for a common goal. Treating people with Christian love and respect means more than winning a shallow argument. Being “right” doesn’t mean much if you hurt someone in the process and potentially turn them off to the Savior you represent. What have you really won?

Be civil. Leave the rest to God.