When Grandparents Step Up

Most grandparents are content with the role of occasional babysitter, weekend dinner host, and shopper for that extra-special Christmas present for the grandkids. But sometimes, a loss in the family, health issues, or legal problems may mean that grandparents must step up and become the primary caregivers for their children’s children. The Salvation Army of Greater Hartford’s Parents Second Time Around program is giving these families the tools, information, and support they need.

“Our members are people in their 60s, 70s, and 80s raising children that, many times, have come to them via trauma in their immediate families,” says Major Migdalia Lavenbein, area services coordinator for The Salvation Army in Greater Hartford. “Those children are vulnerable because they’re always looking for love and acceptance and want to feel special. And the grandparents caring for them are usually uninformed about modern technology, the internet, and various social apps. We show those adults how to be aware of the dangers of social media.”

But helping grandparents understand and navigate TikTok or WhatsApp is only part of what Parents Second Time Around does. The Army’s holistic approach to assisting these families comes in the form of advocacy in school and in court, food and rental assistance when needed, and a community of over 80 seniors and their loved ones.

The soul of the program is caseworker Ruby Lee Brown, a Hartford native and a great-grandmother herself, with a lifetime of connections to the city and its resources.

“Ruby stays up to date to what’s going on in Hartford, the schools, and most of all, the families of Parents Second Time Around,” says Major Migdalia. “She exudes the love of Christ through her own love for these families, and she learns what they need and how to bring it to the program for them.”

Parents Second Time Around has invited tax and insurance counselors to speak with the families. A children’s law clinic visits for those who need representation in family court. Grandparents have learned how to register to vote and fill out census information, and they’ve met with school district representatives, so they can have a say in where they send their grandchildren to school. Families with older teens get help filling out summer job applications and college forms.

“These are all things any household can struggle with,” says Major Migdalia. “But when you have older caretakers with their own health issues, plus children with emotional trauma, it’s overwhelming for everyone. They shouldn’t have to face this alone.”

“We’re also seeing a lot of grandparents raising children with disabilities,” says Ruby. “These families are entitled to financial help and benefits, but they aren’t always aware of this or don’t know how to sign up for it. That’s when children get left behind and fall through the cracks of the system. With us, they learn how to apply for help.”

For example, they learn the importance of having a 504 plan, which makes sure special needs students have support and equal access to education.

“We have a grandfather who’s raising a grandchild with autism. As he became more familiar with it, he could also help his daughter, the child’s mother, who’d been recently diagnosed with autism too,” says Ruby. “He didn’t know his daughter had been living with autism for years. Back when he was raising her, that wasn’t something that got diagnosed.”

“These are the years that grandparents should be relaxing and going at their own pace,” says Major Migdalia. “They deserve so much gratitude for stepping up, and we want to help and bless them in every way we can, because every family helped is an investment for the kingdom of God.”